A Mockingbird In A Fir Tree
by Pellegrina
Summary: Follow Lisbon and Jane on a night out with some of his old carnie friends, and learn more about Patrick Jane's childhood. See the friendship of our favorite pair grow along the way as well. Stand-alone sequel to "Food For Thought". AU after "Red Dawn", slightly OOC. Mentions of child abuse.
1. Chapter 1

"**A Mockingbird In A Fir Tree" takes place approximately two weeks after my fic "Food For Thought". Though it can stand alone, a few things might make a lot more sense, if you've read my other story as well.**

**It's canon-ish up until after "Blood Feud", but it is turning more and more AU after that and Jane and Lisbon are slightly OOC as well, I guess.**

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**Together with "Food For Thought", "A Mockingbird In A Fir Tree" is the start of a story arc - two more fics are just about ready as of yet. This one is still only Lisbon/Jane friendship, but it will turn into romance with the next installment.**

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**I'll introduce some additional characters in this story. They are not going to play a major role in the rest of my fics, but they're necessary for this one. I wanted Teresa to learn a bit more about Patrick's background/childhood. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing to spill the beans himself…**

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**There will be mentions of child abuse, so be warned!**

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**Of course and unfortunately, I do not own "The Mentalist" and I have to admit, that I'm a tiny bit envious of Bruno Heller because of this... Borrowing those wonderful characters for a little while is my only consolation...**

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**Please excuse the mistakes – I'm still not a native speaker and there's really no hope that I'll ever be.**

**Reviews are very welcome. I'm still rather new to this whole writing-stories-myself-business and I would really appreciate some feedback.**

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**I apologize for the long introduction – on to the story now!**

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**A mockingbird in a fir tree**

_I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do. ~ Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11._

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The bullpen had nearly cleared out. It was a Friday evening around seven p. m. and most of the employees of the CBI had already started their well deserved weekend. Even most of the members of the homicide section of the SCU - known for their impeccable work ethics – had left already. Everyone was just too happy to leave after a week from hell with a triple murder that had looked like it might turn into a cold case for the longest time. Fortunately, they had been able to catch the perp just this morning, thanks to a sudden inspiration from their consultant in the middle of the night. Cho and Jane had even managed to get a confession out of the ruthless killer. And so, with the case closed, all there had been left was some clear up work, basically in the papery form, which mostly their boss, Senior Agent Lisbon, had to deal with. Consequently, Agents Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho had left approximately two hours ago and only their boss and the team's consultant were still present, the former in her office, the latter napping on his beloved couch in the bullpen.

Suddenly, Jane's peaceful slumber was interrupted by someone nudging the sofa not too gently. He opened his eyes lazily and looked straight into the eyes of his friend Lisbon – just as he had expected.

He grinned at her and sat up. "Ah, escaped those evil forms at last, before they ate you up completely?"

She sighed tiredly and nodded. "Jane, would you like to go out and have a drink? I really feel like doing something like that tonight after this god-awful week and I've finally finished all the paperwork regarding our last case. Which by the way, for once wasn't caused by you. That at least was a pleasant surprise."

"Ah yes, Lisbon, wasn't I the most well-behaved model consultant? It was depressingly boring, but..." he said cockily.

"One would think that the case was challenging enough to keep even someone with your attention span relatively occupied. It took you astonishingly long to get anywhere this time around after all..." she replied provokingly.

He took the challenge and whined, "Come on, it was a brilliant crime, quite elaborate, carried out ingeniously, if one might allow oneself to admire something as heinous as murder. But of course, he couldn't have possibly deceived a man of my talents for too long. Sorry it took me a whole week this time, but naturally that was caused only by your team's inconclusive research work. Even a genius like me needs something to work with because believe it or not, I'm not really a psychic."

Lisbon smiled benevolently after one of her famous eye-rolls, "You don't say... At least, it's always good to know that your ego is intact, even if it just made it really hard to breathe in this room. It has taken up almost all of the available space in here… Anyway, what about that drink?"

Jane grinned at her little slight. He always enjoyed it when she came up with a good comeback. Then he considered her question. "Well, I would really like to go out with you but as it happens I've already got a prior engagement."

He paused contemplatively before he continued, "But,come to think of it, you could actually accompany me if you want. I'm meeting some old friends from, you know, before. From the time when I was still a carnie."

He looked slightly uncomfortable. "I've just gotten in contact again with my best friend from my teenage days. Andy's moved to Roseville with his wife and he's celebrating his birthday in a bar here in Sacramento. It's very informal, just a few friends gathering. It wouldn't be a problem for you to join us."

As an afterthought he added with a grin, "On the contrary, Andy would probably be delighted to finally put a face to that Lisbon-person, I'm always complaining about on the phone."

"I have no idea what YOU could possibly have to complain about," she mock-scolded him.

Afterwards, she mused a moment about his suggestion to join him. "Well, I don't know... Do you really think I'd be welcome? I don't want to intrude." But then her expressioned lightened. "Though I have to admit I'm rather curious. My last contact with your carnie people was quite enlightening."

Jane was happy she actually considered to come along. He really wanted her to become a bigger part of his life, even though he was afraid it would make her a larger target for Red John. Ever since Lisbon had invited him to more or less move into her spare bedroom two weeks ago they had automatically gotten closer personally as well. He didn't always sleep at her place, still preferring to spend some of his nights secluded in the attic at the CBI-HQ. But most days they left work together. Often, he would cook dinner for them and she would keep him company, watch and talk with him. They were still maintaining a certain distance, the topics of their conversations were mostly case-related. But sharing close quarters inevitably led to some rather intimate moments - such as meeting each other early in the morning with bed heads and in their pjs.

On a few occasions they'd shared late night talks, mostly after she had woken him from a nightmare, when he had woken her with his screams. Sometimes the content had left him unsettled enough to divulge some of it to her. As a result she had disclosed some personal information as well, mainly about her brothers and their families.

He hadn't told her about Andy before, his recently reawakened friendship being a touchy subject still. But now after he had met Andy and his wife a few times he felt more comfortable with the situation. He was actually looking forward to introducing his friends to each other. His old pal had asked him to do so several times. He had heard quite a bit about Lisbon because she seemed to magically pop up in their conversations on a rather regular basis. Andy had commented on that in fact and Jane had realized once more just how important the woman was to him.

Inviting her to meet friends from his past was a very big step, but he had full confidence that Andy would not divulge anything too embarrassing or sensitive. On the bright side, it would show Lisbon that he trusted her with parts of his life nearly nobody knew anything about. And he was delighted she actually seemed to want to meet his old friends. So he replied happily,"You better don't expect another elephant. Andy's left that life behind as well, only more recently. He's trading records, the old vinyl-things you know, even shellac. They're coming back into fashion or so he claims."

Jane looked a bit skeptical at that but conceded, "He's one hell of a salesman, so it wouldn't surprise me if he succeeded to revive them single-handedly. He has a great sense of humo, and he's a really fun guy to be around. Always the entertainer..."

He grinned, recalling fond memories. "And he meets the oddest people on the job – the stories he can tell, unbelievable."

With a chuckle he added, "Well, I guess quite a few of them you actually shouldn't believe. Always take what he says with a grain of salt, and you'll be fine. We had some great times together in our youth. Unfortunately not on so many occasions. We weren't traveling with the same circuit – but our paths did cross for some weeks, maybe four or five times a year. His parents own a shooting gallery."

If Lisbon was honest she was quite surprised about the invitation. He almost never spoke about anything concerning his childhood or his marriage. All she knew were little snatches – mostly from the time Jane had risked his neck to save his brother-in-law. Until that day she hadn't even known there was any kind of family left in his life. Meeting Pete had been enlightening as well, but she had gotten the impression that those carnie folks were a rather tight-knit bunch. The man had hardly disclosed anything personal about her friend. What she knew had at least convinced her that Jane had had a very complicated and tense relationship with his father, though they must have been close in a way because she'd never heard anything about a mother.

On the other hand she was tight-lipped about her past and private life as well, so she couldn't really blame him for his secretiveness. Now he was opening up a bit and she was delighted about it. So she accepted his offer gladly. "Okay, you have convinced me. It sounds quite interesting in fact. Maybe it's exactly what I need tonight. And I might even learn something embarrassing about you, something I can use as blackmail material. Now that would be a real bonus."

"Hah, in your dreams, Lisbon. My friend is loyal. He wouldn't show me up in front of my colleague," he answered with honest conviction.

"In front of your boss you mean, right?" she teased him.

"No, absolutely not. I do have a certain grasp of my vocabulary. I usually mean exactly what I say... And please, Lisbon, don't try to fool yourself into delusions of grandeur," he mocked her snootily.

She bantered right back, sporting a crooked grin, "Technically, I am your boss... but let's not fight about it. I'm perfectly willing to just let you believe that you're my peer when in reality we both know that you're in fact not. But as long as it keeps you happy..."

He shot her an arrogant look. "I resent that, Lisbon. But I'm in a magnanimous mood, so I'll let it slip for once."

He got up from the couch. "Let's get a move. I'm supposed to be at _The Fir Tree_ in 20 minutes. You want to hitch a ride or do you prefer to take your own car? I'll probably only have a couple of beers anyway so I can be our driver tonight if you like," he offered.

She looked a bit skeptical at the suggestion. "Let you drive me?! I don't know, Jane... I've already had quite enough thrill as it is this week, thank you very much."

This of course was one of their favorite topics to fight about but he decided to play nice and reassure her, "I'll behave, I promise. I did behave all week after all. Wouldn't want to jeopardize all the good work now. Come on, Lisbon, don't be a coward. You won't regret it."

Her trust in his driving wasn't that big though. "That sounds ominously like some famous last words, but okay. I'll give you a chance. Don't spoil it or I'll punch your nose."

He grinned at her threat – one that was uttered on a regular basis. But as of yet she'd only ever acted on it once, and he had to admit (only to him self of course) that he'd really deserved it at the time. Making her believe she was about to die and watching while she took her last farewells had maybe been a bit mean. But on the other hand, it wasn't his fault she was such a terrible liar or he might have considered to let her in on his grand plan… or maybe not… because honestly, where would've been the fun in that?

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**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

The two made their way out of the building. They talked lightly about the last case, Rigsby's incredible appetite (he had managed to eat half of their xxxxl-closed-case-pizza for lunch all on his own) and Van Pelt's unusual choices of attire during the last weeks. His car was parked close to the entrance. They took their seats – Jane on the driver's side for once, Lisbon as the passenger, pulling a slight face about it.

In the car during their ride Lisbon asked, "So, what's the name of Andy's wife?"

He answered immediately. To her obvious delight he actually offered her additional information of his own accord. "Her name's Sheila. She's working at the California State University here in Sacramento. She teaches literature theory and is very kind and smart. I don't know her that well, just met her a few times. I only got back in contact with Andy a few weeks ago to be honest, after my return from Vegas."

He paused for a moment. "It's complicated. He knew my wife as well and I kind of broke all my ties to our mutual friends nine years ago. I felt rather guilty and ashamed and I expected them to hate me anyway... And then I was, well, you know, in a very dark place for a while."

He sighed and cast a sideways glance at her. She nodded encouragingly, so he went on, "Turns out, he thought I couldn't bear to be with the old crowd because they would remind me too much of better times or something like that. He hadn't been mad at all, just wanted to give me some space. Gave me quite the dressing-down when I told him what I had assumed."

"That should teach you something, Jane. You're probably the only one who hates you for this. I do understand your feelings of guilt, but YOU didn't kill them. Even your brother-in-law has forgiven you. But I guess it's still some way until you're able to forgive yourself," she scolded him.

He got a bit defensive at that. "You didn't know me back then. You would've positively hated me, I promise you that."

But she wasn't ready to backpedal. "I got to know a bit of that persona, remember? During your fugue state. And you're right: You weren't exactly best friend material. But even then I could see the good in you."

He snorted. "Yes Lisbon, because you are a good person and you really wanted to see it. Though I don't remember how I behaved I think that Van Pelt's still traumatized..." He couldn't quite stop himself from grinning at that last thought in spite of the seriousness of the topic.

He decided to change subjects to something lighter, also seeing that the pub was right in front of them. "But let's not dwell on it. We've reached our destination. And all within those ridiculous speed-limits you're so fond of I might add."

She rolled her eyes and uttered some words of praise at his achievement which sounded patently insincere. They got out of the car and he just grinned cheekily and proceeded to lead her into _The Fir Tree_ with a hand on the small of her back, guiding her as he was wont to do.

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They'd barely entered when a couple rose from a table obviously in order to meet them. The woman was of medium size, a bit taler than Lisbon. She was slightly overweight but not unhealthily so. Her hair was a wee bit curly and her kind eyes, covered by tasteful glasses, bespoke her intelligence. The man was large, over six feet six, and thin like a rail with a rather distinct nose, brown wild hair, with smiling friendly eyes, and a grin splitting his face.

He rushed over to Jane and before the blond man could even comprehend what was happening, he engulfed him in a tight embrace exclaiming happily, "Rick, you're here. Come on buddy, give the birthday boy a hug. And who's the lovely lady at your side? One of your cop-friends from the looks of it. Wait, is that the one and only Agent Lisbon?"

To Lisbon Jane looked decidedly overwhelmed at first if his sheepish grin was any indication. Even more so after he got a second bear hug and a kiss on his cheek from Sheila. But he managed to recover his poise immediately to her disappointment. She always enjoyed to see him out of his depths because it happened so rarely.

He replied enthusiastically, "Hi, Andy. Congrats, mate. And yes, may I introduce my good friend Teresa. She's a Senior Agent with the CBI and she's pretending to be my boss. Teresa, meet Andy and his wife Sheila."

Andy, Lisbon, and Sheila shook hands and Jane continued his introductions pointing out the other persons at the table the other two had come from, "And that guy over there with the beard is Ben, the juggler, and oh no, please, Andy, don't tell me shmoe-Joe is here as well?" At the last stop his face turned into a look of utter disgust – an expression Lisbon had only seen on his face on a few very select occasions when he met people he openly loathed.

Andy answered apologetically, "Sorry Rick, but I'm afraid you're right. You know how he is: never invited but he always seems to know where the party is. Guy wouldn't know he was unwelcome even if you threw him out the door. He'd just get in again without a second thought. Sorry, I know he's a real pain in the butt and you can't stand each other but try to play nice, will you?" The last part was said in a pleading tone.

Jane got his features back under control. He smiled pleasantly at his old friend and said, "Oh, I will. It's your birthday after all, but I don't believe for one second that HE will grant you the same courtesy."

He turned to his colleague afterwards and gave her a short explanation, "Lisbon, you better ignore whatever that sleazy dude over there says. He's a nuisance, has always been one. Mean and jealous. Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of having him around during most of my childhood. He's about ten years older than Andy and I, works as a handyman around the carnival because he doesn't have any real talents, hence the jealousy."

Closing the obviously awkward subject he started to move. "Come on, let's get over to your table, Andy. There's a beer with my name on it somewhere at this place and I'm feeling parched all of a sudden."

They went in the direction of said table and Andy decided to lighten the mood even more teasing him, "What, no tea, Rick? I made a special request for you with the owner. He's bought some bags just for you."

Jane took it in stride. "Hahaha, Andy, as if. Even you wouldn't get good old Sam to sell me tea at his _Fir Tree_. But thanks for the sentiment anyway, mate."

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**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

They'd nearly reached the table by now and before any formal introductions to the rest of the party could be made, the man who had caused Jane's negative reaction a few moments ago, started to speak in a mocking voice, "Look who is here. If that isn't our beloved little boy wonder himself... Didn't expect you to dare to show your sorry ass amongst good people ever again. And with a cute little hottie in tow. Found yourself a nice substitute for Angie, did you?"

Jane made a real effort to ignore the offensive greeting and deflect the situation. "Nice to see you too, Joe, and if you don't mind, cut the crap for one night, will you? This is my friend and colleague Teresa Lisbon and I ask you to treat her with respect, and as fair warning she's an officer of the law, so she can easily arrest you for slander if you don't behave."

Obviously Joe wasn't on the same page. His tone stayed unfriendly, even spiteful. "Yeah, heard you're working with the cops now or maybe I should rather say, under one, heh, Paddy-boy?" The last part was accompanied by a very suggestive glance.

Jane decided not to reply. Instead, he introduced Lisbon to Ben, a man a few years older than him who he had known quite a while as well. The bearded man got up immediately and bestowed the third hug of the evening on the normally reserved man.

Ben had been part of the carnival Andy had traveled with and he still earned his living with juggling. Incidentally, that very carnival was residing close by at the moment and he had been all too happy to attend his friend's birthday celebration. He looked like a very contented and satisfied person, his way of life obviously agreeing with him. Lisbon's first impression was that this was a very even tempered, tolerant, and easy-going man and she took an instant liking to him. Joe on the other hand was even more unpleasant close up. He was bald, had invidious eyes, and his mouth seemed to be twisted into a permanent frown. He eyed her nearly greedily and quite frankly gave her the creeps. She was glad that the rest of the table seemed to share her dislike for the man.

She had been placed between Jane and Sheila at the round table and that suited her very well. Andy perched at Jane's other side. Ben flanked Andy to the left which unfortunately meant that Jane and Joe sat vis-à-vis. The latter exploited this situation, casting ugly glances at the former.

Before things could get ugly again Jane got up. "Teresa, I'll go get myself a drink. What would you like?"

By unwritten agreement they automatically slipped into using their given names in the presence of friends outside of the team. So the slightly unusual form of address didn't surprise Lisbon at all and she answered in kind, "A beer would be fine. Thanks, Patrick."

The blond man extended the offer to the rest of the table as well. "Anybody else anything?" When everyone shook their heads no, he continued, "Alright, I'll be back in a minute."

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He left them and headed to the bar. At the table Joe had decided to remain silent for the time being, while the rest started some small talk to break the ice. Sheila and Teresa found out, that they both liked to watch baseball and actually supported the same team. Ben revealed to them, that Patrick was quite the capable juggler himself and they'd actually done some acts together in their youth. Teresa told them a bit about her work and their last case, at which point Patrick came back with their drinks. He sat down again and they all toasted each other with their beer bottles. Ben added a special toast to the birthday boy and they all congratulated him once more. Andy grinned happily while it looked like Joe didn't want the good mood to continue. But just when he tried to utter something nasty in Patrick's direction the celebrant took control of the situation and started to tell one of his infamous stories.

"The other day, I got a call from some old guy around seventy who wanted to sell his records. Said, he was about to move to Europe somewhere I think. Well anyway. He didn't want to drag along all his old junk so he offered me his collection for a symbolic 20 bucks or something. I went to his address of course to take a look at the goods. When he opened the door I thought to myself, well, he has those certain vibes, might be gay. Didn't bother me of course, just thought it. The guy took me into his kitchen and man, that was a dirty den. Not the cleanly type obviously, and kept his record collection in the kitchen. On some shelves high up. Completely nuts. Who keeps their records in the kitchen?" He feigned a despairing look.

"But he was nice enough. So I decided to climb on a chair and take a look anyway. Biggest layer of fat and dust I've ever seen but there were actually some valuables. The guy kept talking. Really interesting in fact. He'd lived in Persia during the revolution and told me that he'd actually been able to express his homosexual lifestyle openly there. After the revolution things changed dramatically of course so he moved back here. Now he was about to move again together with his boyfriend. Really interesting fellow. We hit it off, somehow. He seemed to like me and no, Joe, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter." Andy cast the bald man a warning glance.

"Anyway, suddenly he said that I could have his whole hi-fi system as well. For free – he couldn't take it along in any event. So I decided to take a look at it. He had to make a call so he told me to just go ahead into the sitting room. I went and boy, that was the strangest sitting room I've ever been to. Every available surface was covered with sculptures of erect penises. Honestly, it was completely creepy in a surreal way. Just think of the weirdest exhibition of modern art you can imagine and you might come close. Absolutely incredible. And the dude had his laptop going on real gay porn as well! Seventy something years and he didn't even bother to stop his laptop from playing before he opened the door for me."

He chuckled and paused a moment to enhance the effect of his words but the story wasn't finished yet. "Well, a few days later he gave me another call. Had checked in his attic and found more records there. Asked me to come around once again. I said yes, of course. I mean, a good story and disks for free - good deal, right?"

He grinned and took in the nods of his audience. "I should probably mention that he lives in a rather conservative and bourgeoise neighborhood. Anyway, I went there the second time. He opened the door and he was like standing in the middle of the street buck naked. Freshly out of the shower and with his bathing robe in hand but with no hurry to put it on. Full view of a seventy year old dude for all the squares to see. And right behind him, just as au naturel, his boyfriend, a guy probably in his mid-thirties. It was hilarious. And I just said to them, you know, if there where more people like you, the world would be a much better place."

Everyone at the table had sat listening and snickering the whole time, but at the end they broke into full out laughter. Jane raised his bottle and declared with mirth, "Yes, and three cheers for that."

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Lisbon felt pleasantly relaxed in the company of Jane's friends, well apart from Joe obviously. She had a great time and started to unwind. Still chuckling she said, "And here I thought we saw strange things in our line of work, Patrick."

Her consultant gave her a silly grin that seemed to say 'told you so'. She smiled back and turned to the birthday boy. "By the way, how did you end up trading records, Andy?"

The large man was only too happy to answer. He relished being in the limelight. "Oh, I always liked music, and I enjoyed to go to bric-a-brac-markets whenever I had the chance. Somehow I just accumulated all that knowledge about rare editions and what collectors where keen on. Started as a hobby and now it's business. And I still love music. Oh, thinking of music, Rick. I should really tell the story about you and me on our first and only shared visit to the disco" The last part was aimed in Jane's direction and accompanied by a conspiratorial wink.

"No Andy, please. Not that one," the blond man groaned.

At that point Ben joined into the conversation. He seemed very amused at the thought of hearing about that particular event again. "Ah, but Ricky, that's actually a grand one. I bet neither Sheila nor Teresa have heard it before and it's definitely a classic."

By now Teresa felt giddy with pleasure at her friend's obvious discomfort and in anticipation of learning the reason for it. "Oh yes, I must hear that story. I so hoped to get some blackmail material on him tonight. I'll even get a new round before you start."

Everybody sans Patrick seemed to be in full agreement and Lisbon got up immediately to buy the promised drinks.

Andy grinned and after a moment he stated, "Guess you're overruled, Rick. Come on, it's not that bad. I think it's very funny."

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Lisbon was already on her way back with the bottles when Jane answered, "Yeah, you would think so, Andrew Steven, you would think so. But then again you'd find just about anything funny."

"Come on now, don't be a spoil sport, Patrick Alexander. Ah, here are our refreshments. Thank you, dear." When the agent had taken her seat again he added, "Shall I start then?"

Sounds of general approval could be heard – apart from Jane, of course, whose sigh sounded rather resigned.

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**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay, so we came through that small town called... Rick, what was it called again? It was a very funny name, but it slipped my mind," Andy began his rendition.

"It is called Lookingglass. It's in Oregon," Jane offered. When everybody cast him disbelieving looks he continued, "Come one folks, don't look so skeptical. I'm not having you on. Honestly, that was really the name of the place."

Andy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's true. I remember it. Never doubt our Rick here, got the memory of an elephant after all. Anyway, we came to Lookingglass with our carnival and drove through the town to get to the fairground. No, no, that didn't come out right. Let's try it again. It's my only chance to use this particular phrasing after all: We drove through the Lookingglass and right there was this disco called Trance Dance. Turned out to be a real wonderland, right, Rick?"

Jane rolled his eyes at the bad pun, the rest of the audience just giggled and Andy went on, "We were around thirteen or fourteen, Rick and I, and I told him about the club I had seen and convinced him that we totally HAD to get in there. He didn't really want to join me at first but we had been talking about going to a real disco for like months."

"Well, actually it had been months since we'd talked, Andy," Patrick countered.

But his friend just waved away his protests and continued, "We wanted to dance and experience all that typical teenage stuff. Didn't have many opportunities, always traveling, you know. And Rick here had four or five shows every day and I had to help out my parents. But the first night at a new place there was mostly prep work going on and the carnival didn't open up for the public. So we decided we had to do it that very night. Didn't leave us with much time to come up with a plan on how to get into the club. We were only teens after all, and we looked it too, I'll have you know."

He paused and cast knowing looks at everyone. When the bald man in their round set out to start speaking, Andy chimed in again, "And no, Joe, we don't need any additional information on the subject from you, thanks. Anyway, we had to get into Trance Dance and of course Rick came up with the perfect idea, the ultimate scheme." He snickered and winked at Jane. "It was the name of the place that inspired him. He'd just learnt how to hypnotize people at that point. So we decided he'd try with the doorman. Worked like a charm. We got in no problem."

His grin was infectious. "What we didn't take into account was that it might turn out to be much more difficult to actually stay inside... That's when the real problems arose. We wanted to have a drink. No alcohol mind you, just a simple soft drink. But the bar keeper realized immediately that we weren't old enough to be in there in the first place. Guess what? Rick here had her serving us within the space of two minutes. Hypnotized her with the help of a coin. But the problems didn't stop there, no, quite the contrary. First the patrons at the bar realized that something was up with the bar keeper. So Patrick had to hypnotize the whole lot of them. And he did a grand job of it I must say."

He flashed Jane a fond glance and grinned happily. "Fortunately it was still rather early in the evening, so there weren't that many guests there yet. But they still got suspicious, one by one. Rick had to practically wipe out the whole dance floor. The last one to go down was the DJ. But Patrick got him as well before he got us. But it was a close call."

Even Jane himself was smiling in gleeful remembrance of the event by now. And Andy continued with his tale, "Only problem, it was terribly noisy so close to the music,so the guy couldn't really hear Rick's voice from his booth. Made it extra hard for him. And besides back then he wasn't half the master he's now – had just learnt the art, actually. So the DJ was a rather hard nut to crack but he managed. Only not fully kind of. The poor guy wasn't able to do his job properly anymore. But we didn't realize it at first. We conquered the dance floor happily and celebrated our first ever disco dance. And boy, had the whole place turned into a Trance Dance. It was completely crazy, people with glassy eyes everywhere. We had a blast!"

* * *

Both men very grinning like loons at each other and the others couldn't help but smile as well. Lisbon tried to imagine her consultant as an awkward teen attempting to dance at a disco for the first time. She nearly cracked at her own mental picture. She didn't even for a second dwell on the fact, that he had done something as utterly foolish and reckless and illegal as hypnotizing people by the dozen because she was so enamored with the story and what it revealed about her friend.

After this rather dramatic and meaningful pause in his tale Andy continued, "Unfortunately, as mentioned before the DJ was too much out of it, which led to a slight inconvenience: He only ever played the same song over and over again. I still get a fit of laughter whenever I hear Michael Jackson's _Thriller._ I guess we heard it at least a dozen times that night. And really, you could've shot Michael's creepy video-clip right there. Of all songs it had to be that splatter. But it was a great one to dance to." Casting his old friend an apprecitative look he said, " I'm still not sure whether Rick actually had his fingers in that specific choice somehow. And the sly fox won't reveal it of course."

At this point everyone was laughing hysterically. Patrick started to hum the refrain for good measure with a totally overdone mysterious expression on his face, causing further turmoil at their table. Even the other patrons had started to cast them slightly irritated looks because they were making quite the ruckus.

* * *

Andy decided to go on and bring the story to completion before things could get out of hand. "But then some new guests came in and before we could do anything they'd called the cops. Thought, that everyone was high as kites in there. Can't blame them."

He cast a slightly apologetic glance in Lisbon's direction at the cop-remark. "We didn't realize the danger before it was too late because we were dancing like crazy. Suddenly, the whole place was run over by coppers and we didn't get a chance to bunk in time. I believe they arrested everybody in there. Would have really liked to find out what kind of explanation they came up with when everybody eventually turned up totally sober." He snickered.

"Anyway, the cops actually recognized at once that we two teens were completely clean. They weren't happy to find us in a place like that being only thirteen and all but they were kind of cool about it. Just drove us back to our folks. My dad wasn't exactly overjoyed when I was brought back by the police. But when I told him the whole story later he actually cracked up. Laughed for an hour straight. I lost my allowance for a month but it was so totally worth it."

Sheila expressed what the others had been thinking as well, "That story was simply hilarious. God, I'll never be able to listen to that song again without getting visions of you two on a dance floor with a bunch of zombies." She chuckled happily and cast a conspirative look at Teresa who responded in kind.

* * *

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: Mentions of child abuse in this chapter.**

* * *

Unfortunately, not everyone seemed to enjoy the good mood. And this time before anyone could stop him Joe started to spout vitriol. "Yeah, but I bet wonderboy here didn't get away so lightly, right Paddy? Heh? Good old daddy gave you a proper thrashing for that stunt, right, Patboy?"

Jane tried to save the situation and said with restraint, "Joe, please, can you just leave it be for once? We're only trying to have a bit of fun here."

But the other man didn't stop. "Oh come on, Paddyboy. It's not like it's a secret. Everybody knew your old man knocked you around all the time. He was the only one who knew how to rein you in, right, boy wonder?"

Everyone had started to look rather uncomfortable by now. Jane's face had turned into a mask of cold loathing. Andy on the other hand was really angry at that point and expressed it as well. "Joe, just shut up and leave him alone or I will personally shut you up, okay?"

But the bald man seemed to flourish with the negative attention. He smirked evilly and resumed his vicious slights, "Really, Andy, what's the problem? Everybody in the whole carnival knew that Alex Jane lambasted his son at least once a week, especially when he was smashed. It's not like trailers are exactly soundproof. I can very well imagine he wasn't too happy when his only source of income was brought back by cops." He snickered evilly. "Couldn't risk his money-spinner after all. Who would've funded his gambling and booze otherwise? Hell, wonderboy here didn't even have his own bed. Had to sleep on the fucking couch because his daddy drank and gambled away all the money he forced his precious golden boy to con out of his marks." Another nasty chuckle followed.

"What the hell, Joe. Shut the fuck up!" Jane was absolutely livid with rage now.

Teresa who'd hardly ever heard the normally extremely eloquent man use a swear word before was sick with worry now. Her consultant seemed close to exploding and she really hoped he wouldn't turn violent. He was as pale as sheet and his hands where clenched into white-knuckled fists. She'd never seen him like that and it scared her a bit. In her experience it was the controlled ones who were the most dangerous when they finally lost it. In addition, she didn't fool herself into thinking that Patrick Jane was a wash-out by any means just because he usually avoided any kind of physical conflict.

He most certainly didn't walk around showing off his strength. But during their cohabitation she'd seen that those three-piece-suits of his hid some real muscle. He was a lot stronger than he looked and she reckoned, he quite enjoyed people underestimating him. While he seemed to spend all day lazing arond on one couch or another – something you couldn't exactly call exercise - she had learnt that he used the bulk of his sleepless nights to keep in form, as contradictory as that sounded. She had in fact called him out on it after he'd single-handedly carried a heavy dresser up the stairs for the old lady next door. She herself had barely been able to shove the damn thing and she'd been completely speechless when her seemingly weak consultant lifted it as if it was nothing. He had just grinned sheepishly at her and admitted that it was the perfect way to avoid being asked to partake in any kind of physical labor. Then he had conceded he had accepted a long time ago that to reach his goal and catch a serial killer he had to be in a fit shape.

Still, as a rule he seemed to detest any form of violence and after what she'd just heard she had a good idea why. But it didn't prevent him from having a breaking-point and Lisbon was convinced that he had almost reached it. She would absolutely hate to be the one who had to tackle him should things get out of hand but she couldn't allow her consultant to get into a bar fight either.

Unfortunately, the bald man didn't care. On the contrary, he relished the fact that he'd managed to rile up his opponent who usually appeared to be unflappable. "Oh, poor babe. Don't like to hear the truth, heh? Bet he even fetched his belt for that one, isn't that right, Paddy?"

In a last effort to keep his temper Jane hissed, "Damn it, Joe. Can't you leave well enough alone? What's it to you anyway?"

But the other man was obviously spoiling for a fight. "Oh, a sour spot, boy wonder? I'm so sorry. And here I was about to tell the amazing story about little Pat being chased across the whole carnival bare chested by dear old dad with a bloody horsewhip – literally. Haha, that was a funny sight."

Andy got into action at this point. He had realized as well how close Jane was to cracking. He got up from his seat and put a firm hand on his friend's shoulder pressing him down effectively just as the blond man was about to jump over the table. The gesture was meant to be both restraining and comforting and Patrick sank back into his seat, looking completely defeated. Andy went around the table to tower over Joe threateningly and addressed him in a cold voice that gave everyone goosebumps, "Well, no one's laughing and we've had more than enough of your crap." And with a sideways glance to his right he said in a friendlier tone, "Ben, would you help me to throw him out? I don't want to hear another word from that asshole."

The other man got up as well and nodded his consent. Turning his attention back to Joe, Andy continued - using his icy voice again, "Thanks for spoiling my birthday and hurting my friend."

They both grabbed one of Joe's shoulders each and dragged the spiteful man out of the bar. When they'd gotten him outside, Andy added some final words, "Listen, Joe, and listen carefully. If you ever dare to invite yourself to any event I'm part of, I'll teach you what a good hiding really feels like, you bastard. Now fuck off and you better never come back."

* * *

Meanwhile at the table the three remaining persons sat in an awkward silence. Patrick had a hard time recovering his poise, embarrassed nearly beyond his limits. But he wasn't a master of biofeedback for nothing.

He calmed himself enough to try and salvage the situation. "I'm so sorry, ladies. I'm sorry you had to witness this. I honestly didn't know he would be here, Lisbon. Ehm, I mean, Teresa. I wouldn't have taken you with me otherwise. He's always causing problems, has to spoil the fun for everybody. Really, I'm so sorry. Just forget about the whole mess. The last ten minutes didn't happen, okay?"

The two women looked a bit doubtful at that but nodded, and he decided he needed a few more minutes to fully compose himself. "I'll just go and use the facilities if you would excuse me for a moment? I'll get us another round on my way back." With that he got up and made a beeline for the men's room. Sheila and Teresa shared a sad look, all the good mood from earlier had vanished.

* * *

Just when Jane had disappeared from view Andy and Ben returned. Upon arrival Andy realized that his childhood friend was missing. "Shit, where's Rick? He didn't leave, did he?"

Sheila put a hand on her husband's arm in a comforting gesture. "No, love. He just went to the restroom."

Andy looked still very worried. "Maybe I should go and see if he's alright? That was pretty bad."

"So what Joe said was actually true?" Teresa inquired, though deep down she already knew the answer.

A horror-stricken expression took over Andy's face and he exclaimed, "You didn't know? Oh shit and double shit. Rick won't like that. He's a very private person after all. Damn, I had hoped that you already knew at least."

Teresa shook her head, her face showing sadness and worry. "I didn't, but it doesn't really surprise me either to be honest. I always assumed his past wasn't sunshine and roses, especially because he never really speaks about it. But I had no idea it was that bad. Explains a lot of things about him for sure."

Andy responded rather resigned, "I should have figured he wouldn't have shared his ugly past with anyone outside the old crowd. He always wanted to leave all that behind and move on. Angela knew of course. She was a carnie as well, after all. And what that bastard Joe said was actually true. Everybody knew what Alex did to his son. I guess Rick wanted to wipe the slate completely clean after her death."

And as an afterthought he added gently, "Problem is, you don't just get over things like that. They tend to haunt you your whole life. But excuse me now, ladies, I'll go and check on him."

He pecked his wife's lips and left.

* * *

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

_But before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience. ~ Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11._

* * *

Andy went in search of his friend. It took him some time but he found him eventually in a secluded corner in the corridor behind the restrooms. He looked lost and sad but when he saw the other man he plastered a false grin on his face and asked, "Has the bastard left?"

Andy nodded and Patrick continued, "Good. Told you he would cause trouble."

After another moment he looked his friend straight in the eyes. "Andy, may I ask you a favor?"

"Of course. What can I do for you, Rick?"

The blond man explained, "Well, Teresa doesn't know much about my past. She has met Danny and Pete actually but I would rather leave it at that, okay? No need to tell her that there was any truth to what he said. Alright, mate?"

Andy shook his head wearily. "Rick, please. She's a detective, isn't she? And in view of what you've told me about her – a damn good one. She has already figured it out I'm afraid."

Jane looked completely miserable now. "Damn. That wasn't supposed to happen, Andy. I never wanted her to know that about me. What now? Any ideas about some damage control?"

"No sorry, mate. I guess that the truth is the only option henceforth. But she's your friend, isn't she? She'll understand, Patrick. Don't worry too much. This might actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise," the large man said.

"That's absurd. How could this ever be a blessing? She already knows I'm a damn coward – didn't need to add whipping boy to the mix. She'll consider me utterly and disgustingly pathetic now," Patrick exclaimed with an expression of pure self-loathing.

Andy didn't like at all where his friend was going. "That's bullshit, Rick. She wasn't disgusted last I saw her."

"How reassuring. Well, could be even worse: she might start to pity me," was the sarcastic answer.

"Come off it. She's not the type, is she? She looks like someone with a lot of compassion. That's not the same as pity, you dork. It would do you some good to share your past with someone again." He cast a worried look at his friend. "From what I've seen of you during the last weeks you don't get much sleep, do you? Nightmares? Insomnia?"

Jane nodded.

Andy shook his head pensively. "Thought so. Talking and sharing the burden might actually help you, you know."

"I don't want Teresa to see me so weak, can't you understand that? She's already seen me at my worst. I really don't want to add to it even more, okay?" Patrick admitted meekly.

Andy took a good look at his friend and suddenly started to grin happily, bursting out "Oh, now I get it. You like her."

"Of course I like her. She's my friend," the blond man answered, sounding slightly exasperated.

But Andy took no heed to his feeble attempt at subterfuge and cast him a knowing look instead. "No, Patrick. You LIKE her. Good for you – she's a gem."

Jane was rather miffed by now. "Please, Andy, don't be ridiculous. I don't entertain such feelings for her. And besides even if I did it would be futile. She'll never give me the time of day and rightfully so. I'm too damaged anyway and she deserves a better man than I could ever be."

The last part was added in a tone of self-loathing again that his old friend didn't like at all. "That's not your decision to make, Rick. And I'm pretty sure she likes you too, damaged or not. And she's your friend, ergo she knows that you are a good man or she wouldn't waste her time on you. So you have to accept the inevitable: She likes you. I've seen how she looks at you, eyes full of warmth. You won't convince me otherwise. You would be good for each other."

Jane's expression had turned frantic and he almost pleaded, "Stop there, please. I can't go there, never. Not as long as Red John is out there. I have to catch him and bring him to justice or die trying. I can't just start a new life with another woman. I owe it to Angela and Charlotte, you know that. I can't just replace them and go on living, after I as good as killed them."

But Andy wasn't ready to take this crap from his friend anymore. He had been appalled at the sight of him when they'd met again nearly two months ago. The last nine years had left deep scars on the other man. Some of them were clearly visible in the lines on his face and most noticeable in his eyes. They held so much sadness that it had scared Andy who was by nature a very positive and happy person.

Before, his friend had been outgoing and bright as well for the most part even throughout his less than perfect childhood and Andy hated to see him in a state like this. So he decided to talk some sense into him. "Patrick Alexander Jane, Angela would be so angry with you if she could hear you now. She loved you, Patrick. She would want you to be happy. It's been more than nine years now. Nine years. You've paid enough, you hear me? You didn't kill them, that sick bastard did. And deep down you do know that it is not normal or in any way or form in proportion to go and slaughter someone else's wife and child just because they told the ugly truth about me on TV."

He paused a moment to observe the other man's reaction at his words. When he saw that he had Jane's full attention, he continued, "It was reckless, I grant you that. But you couldn't have possibly known he would react like that. You are NOT a psychic after all. And I know for sure you wouldn't have done that interview if you had had even the least inkling something like that might happen."

Andy patted his friend's shoulder kindly. "I know, you were an arrogant show-off back then, getting too big for your boots, liking money a bit too much for your own good, but you loved your wife and child."

The large man found Patrick's eyes and smiled warmly at him. "I was there, remember? I saw you together. You were the best bloody father Charlie could've ever wished for. She adored you and you doted on her. And you were a good husband as well, most of the time at least as far as I know. And they loved you just like you loved them. The only thing you owe them is to be happy, don't you see that?"

His friend looked nearly crestfallen but Andy decided to add a final punch for good measure to really make his point, "They would absolutely hate to see you like this, Patrick. Angie would have your head if she could see you with those dark circles under your eyes, no real place to live, and only obsessing about vengeance. She would kick your ass, Patrick. Boy, how she would kick your ass!"

Jane needed a moment to take it all in. He looked very thoughtful and far away but then he nodded and sent his friend a tentative smile in acknowledgment. In a quiet tone he said, "After that little speech I consider my ass to be thoroughly kicked."

With a sigh he admitted, "I've actually had similar thoughts lately. But it's hard, Andy, really hard. I don't know how to stop. It's been my only reason to go on living for so long. But I'll try, okay? I'll really try. Maybe I'll even let Lisbon help me a bit. She's actually already doing so anyway. That's all I can give you at the moment. Okay?"

The large man decided to lighten the mood. He came even closer and rested an arm around his friends shoulder in a half-hug and smiled affectionately. "It's alright, Rick. I'm just glad you've allowed me back into your life. I take that as a good sign and it means I get to kick your ass on a regular basis now."

Patrick returned his smile and retorted in a mocking tone, "Yeah, and it brought assholes like Joe back into my life as well, thank you very much." Putting up a cheery expression he added, "And, apropos the reason why I originally left our table: I promised the ladies fresh beer ages ago. Let's get back inside and buy a new round, before they give up on us. No telling what good old Benny might've done with them while we were having our lovely heart to heart..."

They turned to leave the dark corner but as an afterthought Andy said, "Thank you by the way, Rick. For keeping it together with Joe. I know what it cost you and I appreciate it very much, mate. You could've cut him to pieces right from the start with some of those deathly sharp-witted barbs of yours. And we both know that it would've turned very ugly very fast in that case. But you didn't and I'm really thankful for it."

"I promised, didn't I? I always try to keep my promises. It's your birthday after all and I didn't want to be the one to spoil it. But to be honest, for a moment there, I wasn't sure, I'd be able to keep it together."

In an attempt to lighten the mood again he added with a half-smile, "I haven't been that close to punching someone since Tentacle-Terry slandered my surrogate-mum Berta, the Lady with the beard, when I was seventeen and that's saying something."

Andy grinned in fond remembrance of that particular event.

* * *

After that the two friends went back into the taproom. They waved over to their table-mates on their way to the bar where the owner himself, Sam, handed them five bottles of beer for free with a nod of approval and grumbled, "Handled that well back there. Don't like any brawl in my pub. Make sure that bald bastard never comes back here."

The larger one of the pair gave a thumbs up in affirmation in the direction of the landlord.

Sam was an ex-carnie as well but had left the scene many years ago to settle down. He was 65 years old and had started his own business some 40 years ago. Still, his pub was a place where other carnie-folks met and it was by mutual understanding that he made some allowances towards people from the same background. And he knew men like Joe, knew they were trouble-makers, but trusted his patrons to deal with the problems in their own ways. He rarely had to intervene and when he did, it meant that all the participants were banned from his pub forever.

Andy and Patrick had met at _The Fir Tree_ a few times during the last weeks. But the latter had actually frequented the place before that, twice with Danny and quite a few times on his own over the years. Hence Sam was acquainted with him well enough and had gotten to know him as a decent fellow, never causing problems, always paying, and actually giving generous tips. And he'd genuinely gotten to like the curly blond man as well. So it was quite clear to him who'd been the instigator earlier when he'd watched the tension rise at their table. He'd seen the normally aloof Jane on the verge of turning violent but would've hated to ban the guy from his pub. Fortunately the other men at the table had solved the problem for him with as little commotion as possible and he appreciated their discretion.

Patrick nodded in Sam's direction as well with an apologetic expression on his face. "Sorry Sam, it won't happen again." When the landlord had acknowledged his words with a small smile he continued, "Mhm, if you'd excuse me for a moment, I'll just go and ask the others, if they want to order something to eat. I'm a tad peckish myself and would love for your lovely wife to make me one of her famous _Fir Tree_-salads. Be back in a minute."

With that the blond man took the beer bottles and went over to their table. He put down the drinks and Andy and Sam watched from the bar as he seemed to ask around for the others' orders.

Sam used his absence to address the big guy alone, "You know I don't usually meddle in others' affairs but I know quite a bit about your friend's story. His brother-in-law told me some over a few too many scotches. Aside from that, my wife has taken quite the liking to him." He smiled fondly. "Has her wrapped around his little finger as a matter of fact, the charming rascal. Don't believe for a second that she makes that kind of salad for anyone else."

His face turned serious again."Would hate for the guy to get hurt even more, so do me the courtesy and keep people like that bald bastard away from him - at least when you come to my place, got that?"

Andy nodded, a bit surprised at the barrage from the normally rather laconic man. "I swear I didn't invite Joe. I had no idea he'd bob up here tonight. I don't even know how he found out we would be here at all. I can't stand the idiot either and would never spend time with him by choice. And the last thing I want is to hurt Rick. He's already doing a damn good job of that all by himself as I'm sure you've realized."

Sam made an affirmative gesture and added, "Aye, hard to miss that, when you know what to look for. And 40 years behind the counter teach you, what to look for." He stopped with that train of thought, because the man they were talking about had come close enough to overhear them. "Ah here he is, back again. So what's the order?"

"Well my salad of course, a cheeseburger for Ben, and one pumpkin-soup each for the ladies. What about you, Andy? Want me to guess?" He grinned at his friend.

"Why, yes of course." The man in question snickered. "Read my mind, oh perceptive one!"

"Okay then." Patrick smiled with amusemant and turned back to the man behind the bar. "And that would be one schnitzel for this strapping lad here, Sam. Just put it all on my tab, alright? And if you could give my warmest regards to the chef, please?" Jane added the last words with his most charming smile.

"That simper only works on the missus, Patrick, but I'll tell her you said hello," Sam rumbled. That said he turned and left in the direction of the kitchen. The two friends went back to their table to join the rest of their party.

* * *

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: Mentions of child abuse in this chapter._  
_**

* * *

_"I think I'll be a clown when I get grown," said Dill. "Yes, sir, a clown... There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off." "You got it backwards, Dill," said Jem. "Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them." "Well, I'm gonna be a new kind of clown. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks." ~ Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 22._

* * *

While Andy and Patrick had been gone Sheila, Teresa, and Ben had spent their time together in a rather serious conversation. The light mood from before had completely disappeared, tension lingering in its stead. They were all quite worried about their friend and it didn't help any that the two missing men took their sweet time to return.

Sheila tried to reassure everyone. "I'm sure they'll be back any minute now. Andy's really good spiriting up people. And the two of them are close enough so he'll know how to handle Rick. They might have been out of contact for almost a decade. It was the very time during which Andy and I got together. And even though I'd of course never met him during our marriage, it felt as if I'd known the guy for years,when we finally came face to face because Andy had been regarding me with stories about him all the time. To him Patrick's like the brother he never had. He really missed him and he couldn't be happier to have him back in his life."

"Strange that Patrick never mentioned him before," Teresa chipped in thoughtfully. "On the other hand not too strange either, considering… He hardly ever tells anything from his earlier life before he joined the CBI. Too much guilt and shame I suppose."

Normally, she wouldn't have dared to speak so openly about her consultant in the presence of others but she felt that they all genuinely cared for the complicated man and what she said would stay between them. Additionally, she had to admit that she hoped to learn more about her friend. The revelations about Jane she'd already gained tonight had actually left her with more questions than she'd had before. And somehow she doubted she would get very many answers from the man himself.

Sheila nodded at her words. "Oh, yes. Andy was outright livid when he realized why Rick had cut their ties. When we moved here he spent ages mulling over whether he could actually risk to contact him or whether it would hurt his friend too much if he did. When he learnt that Patrick had backed out of their friendship because he thought Andy hated him for killing his wife and child, he got so angry. He couldn't believe Rick would think something like that about him,when all the time all Andy had wanted to do was to be there for his best friend. To him it felt like he had lost out on a decade of friendship just because that idiot had wallowed in his self-deceptive limbo. Fortunately they've talked things out now and Andy kind of understands that it didn't have anything to do with him or what he thought Rick believed of him. On the contrary, it has everything to do with Patrick's complete lack of self-esteem. And I guess you've learnt tonight, where that might originate from."

"Oh yes, did I ever. And though I had had an inkling I'd never assumed it was that bad. I thought it was more like mental abuse or something like that. Pete called him a survivor and Patrick told me once that his father never spoke a word with him again after he had left the carnie-community," Teresa explained.

Ben spoke up at this point, addressing Lisbon directly, " I'm not sure I'm supposed to give away even more of his secrets but I can see that he's closer to you than he's been to anyone since Angela. I hope you are aware of his true feelings for you, yes?"

Teresa shook her head in denial. "I'm not sure what you mean. We are only friends. There's nothing more between us."

"Keep telling yourself that. I have seen the way he looks at you and believe me, he likes you as more than 'just friends'."

He raised his brows. "But it's alright. I can see that you're both not ready to act on your true feelings. Still, you shouldn't deceive yourself anymore. He might be emotionally damaged and unable to move on completely but do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself at least. It's not only he who has that certain look in his eyes." He cast her a knowing glance. "You sure as hell return those feelings. I might not be as observant as our Patrick but I'm not blind either, okay?"

Teresa was nearly shell-shocked at the revelation and cast Sheila a beseeching look for help. But the other woman just gazed at her apologetically. "Ben's absolutely right, you know. It's obvious enough."

At that Ben continued, "As I said, though it might not be fair to Ricky to reveal more about his time growing-up, I think you'll be able to better help and support him when you have some solid facts. I'd hate for you to learn it from assholes like Joe. And even though Pete's a rather decent guy he hasn't been the most supportive person in Rick's life either. And he could've been, you know? He practically raised him together with his wife Berta who unfortunately passed away about ten years ago."

"Raised him?" Teresa asked in astonishment.

"Yes. Patrick's mother died during childbirth. You knew that, didn't you?" Ben asked.

"No, I didn't. He's never once mention his mother in my presence. I wondered why of course, but I didn't dare to ask," Lisbon admitted.

"Well, now you know," Ben replied.

He took a deep breath and started to reveal more. "Alex Jane was a reasonably talented mentalist himself but he was as lazy as they come. He didn't feel like honing his skills and thus he didn't make that much money with his act. But money was the only thing he really cared for besides of himself. The only thing going for him in that respect was his complete and utter ruthlessness. What he lacked in skills he made up for with the lengths he was ready to go with his cons and scams." The juggler's face showed the disdain he felt for the other man.

"Just tough luck his son was born with probably the biggest heart between Miami and Seattle. Took Alex quite the effort to bend it to his will. Well, he never fully managed fortunately." He sported a crooked grin.

"But I'm getting ahead of myself. Patrick's mother wasn't a carnie herself. She had been fascinated by the adventurous lifestyle and Jane's charms. She was rather young. Had just reached her majority when she ran away from home to be with Alex. He enjoyed having a willing homemaker around but I doubt he felt any real attachment. I'm not sure that bastard has ever been capable of caring about anyone but himself."

His expression had turned disgusted again. "Anyway, Anne got pregnant not long afterwards. And Alex wasn't happy about it, that's for sure. When she got into labor he was out gambling or something. She tried to get help, asked Pete and Berta, who had their trailer closest to them, to go and find him. When he turned up eventually, not too amused about being kept from his card-game and sauced as well, she'd already nearly given birth all on her own. And the bastard didn't bother to take her to a hospital. Just kept complaining about the gore soiling his precious bed. He didn't even realize that she was losing more and more blood – a lot more than was normal. When he finally caught on to the fact that something was seriously wrong Anne had already lost consciousness. The paramedics couldn't save her."

He paused at that, clearly agitated. Though he'd only heard the story through others and hadn't been present himself, it still upset him that someone could be so callous. And furthermore, he knew what sort of impact those events had had on his friend's life. Both Sheila and Teresa were completely appalled at what they'd heard so far which was clearly visible on their faces.

Ben went on with his sad tale, "As you can imagine by now Alex Jane wasn't too keen on lugging around a newborn infant. He even turned giving his son a name into a jest. Anne's surname had been Earl. He thought it funny to call the boy 'Patrick', which, if you don't know, translates from Latin to something like 'of noble origin'. He told that to anyone who'd bother to listen, like it was the best joke ever. Other than that he didn't take any interest in the baby at all."

His face was full of disdain for the man. It took him a moment to rein in his emotions then he continued, "Berta and Pete took care of Rick after they found him half starved and with diaper rash so extensive it took weeks to heal. And though I'm glad they decided to care for Patrick, I don't like the fact that they always made excuses for Alex Jane's behavior. They claimed the man was mourning Anne's death and that that was the reason behind the neglect. Complete bullshit of course if you ask me."

Another pause followed and all three shared a sad look. "You ready to hear more?" he asked the two women. At their nods he started speaking again, "For the next three years Patrick hardly existed in his father's world. The few times when he did notice him, he told him he cost too much money, that he was useless and evil because he'd killed his mother. And now he, Alex, had been left to deal with the consequences. Can you imagine? Telling your son he'd killed his own mother?"

He took in the appalled gasps of his audience. "So Teresa, you're absolutely right. It started with mental abuse. As long as I can personally remember and that's right from the time I first met him when he was about five years old, Rick's been feeling guilty about his mother's death. That's the main reason he never mentions her. But his daughter was named after her – in reverse order. Her full name had been Anne Charlotte Earl."

Ben paused again. He needed a moment to collect himself. He had of course taken notice of the reactions of his two companions, but it was only now he realized how much of an impact his tale had really had on the women. Teresa, who normally hated public emotional displays and would do just about anything to avoid them, had actual a few tears running down her face. She whispered, "And now he believes that he killed his daughter, too."

Sheila's face was ashen even though she'd de facto known part of the story already. Still, hearing it with that clarity made her understand a lot more about her husband's best friend and the reasons behind his retreat from that very friendship nine years ago.

Ben took a deep breath and asked, "Are you ready to hear more or should we let it stand for tonight?"

* * *

_You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 3._

* * *

Lisbon chimed in, "I'm not sure, actually. This was quite a lot to take in. On the other hand, I want to, no, I need to learn more about Patrick's past. I just realized how little I actually do know about him. And as a consequence I don't think I've been giving him enough consideration."

She looked very sad, remembering some of the conversations she'd shared with her consultant. "I never really understood why he thought he was more entitled to his personal quest for vengeance against Red John than any other of his victims. But now it makes much more sense of course. And I finally get why he feels so excessively guilty about their deaths, more so than seems reasonable in any way or form," Teresa explained, compassion apparent on her face though any traces of the tears she'd shed only minutes ago she had already wiped away ashamedly.

"I've always tried to reason with him. Tried to tell him that his pain wasn't any different from that of others who'd been bereaved like that. That he was arrogant to think his case to be so special. Now I can see that this is about so much more than his wife and child or even Red John for that matter. He's been trying to make amends for their deaths as well as that of his mother, probably even for his bastard of a father come to think of it."

She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. "As I see it he's been conditioned into taking the blame for everything bad right from the get go. No wonder he's been doing penance for all his imaginary sins ever since their murder. He's been punishing himself relentlessly for over nine years now and I'm convinced he thinks the only possible way to really pay for it all is to kill Red John and suffer the consequences afterwards." She shook her head in dismay. "It all makes sense, now. Eh well, in a rather twisted sort of way..."

"Yes, that's exactly why I've decided to tell you. Because I might know about his past but I have no idea who he is at present. And he hasn't given anyone from his past a real chance to help him through the tough times. Therefore I'm convinced that you're the only one in any position to give him emotional support at the moment. Before, he wasn't like that at all, you know. He wasn't all guilt-ridden and dark. All throughout the shit that was his childhood he managed to stay bright and positive. He was outgoing, always smiling, full of shit, and fun to be around." He looked up with a fond expression on his face.

"We weren't traveling with the same circuit, Patrick and I. I was actually with Andy's. But for the really big fairs, some four or five times every year, the different carnie circuits met up at the same places for a few weeks. The first time I took notice of him was when he was about five. I was eleven or twelve and as you can imagine not too thrilled about a critter like him trying to hang around with me. But there he was, always sitting and watching from nearby when I was training my juggling."

His grin while remembering was full of mirth. "He observed me so intensely, it was absolutely eerie. Whenever our gazes would meet, he'd shoot me one of his impish smiles and I'd shake my head in irritation. It went like that for a couple of days until I'd had enough. I went over to the storage-jar he was sitting on and confronted him. Told him to get lost and find someone else to bug. But he was as stubborn then as he's now. Didn't so much as stir, kept looking at me with his curious puppy-dog-eyes and a smile, even I had a hard time resisting."

He smiled benignly. When he continued he modulated his tone, mimicking the voice of the five-year-old Jane to the ladies' delight, "'Could you teach me how to juggle, please', he asked me. 'I think, I understand the underlying concept well enough from my observations of your techniques but I've tried to emulate them on my own and I'm still struggling with anything beyond the basic three-ball-cascade and a simple fountain. So I guess there must be more to it than meets the eye.'"

He stopped and waited until Sheila and Teresa had finished laughing. "To say that I was astonished would be a euphemism. I never expected a child of his age to talk like that. Even I wasn't half as eloquent as that blond imp in front of me and I was more than double his age. So he got my attention alright." He chuckled.

"But I wasn't that impressed. It felt a lot like being shown up by that smartass to be honest. So I snorted and told him I didn't believe he could juggle at all. Big mistake of course. You never ever challenge Patrick Jane like that and get out of it unscathed." He raised his brows and they all shared a knowing look.

"He just smirked at me and said cheekily 'Wanna make a bet?' I felt rather sure of myself. I had been in that business for quite some time and my parents had taught me the art from an early age. But if what that midget was telling me held any truth, he didn't have more than two days worth of training and that wasn't enough to handle a fountain, which means juggling with four balls, by the way – or so I thought." Another chuckle escaped him.

"So naturally I agreed to the bet. Capital error number two of course. Never ever make a bet with Patrick Jane. He doesn't bet when he knows, there's even the slightest chance he could lose. But in my defense I didn't know him at the time. So I asked about the wager and we agreed that if he won I'd teach him, if he lost he'd never bother me again. Guess it goes without saying that I lost big time."

They all snickered. "But as it turned out that wasn't a bad thing at all. He was the most docile student you could wish for and he was fun to teach, really. And so incredibly smart, so much older than his years. Fortunately, his father allowed him to continue because juggling's actually quite meditative and Patrick combined the training with mental exercises."

The two women looked impressed and astonished. They were talking about a five-year-old after all.

"During our lesson he kept pointing out people randomly, cold-reading them for my entertainment. He came up with the most outrageous stories. He made me bubbling over with laughter nearly constantly. It wasn't until after I'd actually been to one of his wonder-boy-acts that I realized, most of what he told me about those people was probably actually the truth. I got a bit wary of him afterwards. I mean I was only a child myself and to me it looked a lot like he was a real honest to god psychic."

He looked slightly sheepish at the memory. "So I tried to find out more about him. That's actually the reason why I know so much about his background."

He took another deep breath, preparing himself to reveal even more about his friend. "I learned that his father suddenly acknowledged him when he found out that his son had taught himself how to read aged three. Patrick told me once it just happened because he was bored. I imagine it must have been dull and excruciatingly so for such an incredibly bright child, always sitting around in their rather shabby trailer with no one to talk to and nearly no human attention."

He looked sad and the two women shared the sentiment. "From what I've gathered he didn't have any toys either. The only things of interest he was allowed to touch without his father getting a fit, were some old books that, of all people, his mother had left behind. It wasn't anything suitable for someone his age of course, but that didn't stop him. So believe it or not but Patrick Jane figured out how to read aged three from _To kill a Mockingbird_. No wonder the guy's a walking dictionary."

Ben paused and relished in the amazement he could see in the faces of his small audience. Sheila and Teresa had both already accepted that Jane had a brilliant mind. You just couldn't NOT notice that. But even though they were still astonished at the degree of his obvious intelligence.

The juggler took up his tale a moment later. "Well, this turned out to be both a blessing for Rick and his downfall at the same time. Because when Alex Jane realized just how bright his son actually was, all he saw was a cash cow in the making. But to Patrick it was like a miracle at first. Suddenly his dad took an interest in him. And he virtually thrived with the attention. He became a complete prodigy, did everything his father asked him to do in order to please him. And dear old dad exploited that mercilessly."

He needed another minute to calm himself, angry at the ruthless man. Sheila and Teresa looked rather appalled as well. "He taught him the basics of mnemotechnics, had him start building that infamous memory-palace of his, and made him fill it with a wide range of information. Whenever Rick didn't measure up in his dad's eyes Alex would slap him and tell him he had to make more of an effort as compensation for killing his mother. Called it motivation to do better. In other words, his childhood ended effectively when he was three - if you want to call the neglect he faced before that a childhood - and was replaced by relentless training. Everything Alex had been too lazy to do himself he had his son do: memorize, observe, take in even the smallest details, store information, learn new tricks, study the intricacies of human behavior patterns, learn how to read body language, hone his skills, suppress and control unwanted emotions, and so on, and so forth. Often up to ten hours a day, sometimes even more. He hardly ever got a break. But Rick endured it all, always hoping that one day he'd be worthy of the one thing his father never offered him: his love."

Ben paused after his long narration. He'd gotten carried away completely he had to admit. Originally, he'd only planned to provide a few additional informations but now he'd divulged practically everything he knew about Patrick Jane in one go. He felt a bit uncomfortable, both because he'd broken his friend's trust but also because he wasn't normally someone to talk so much in the presence of others. And in Teresa's case it was actually a virtual stranger as well.

He took a swig from his beer and shifted a bit in his chair, trying to find a more comfortable position. He was convinced he could trust the woman and that she was deeply enarmored with Rick, but still... Now he hoped the other two males would return soon, so things wouldn't turn really awkward at their table. "I'm getting a bit worried here. They've been gone quite a while now, haven't they? I hope everything's alright or as alright as can be, considering…"

He looked up at the two women with worry in his eyes. They fully agreed with him. And just as they'd decided that Teresa would be the best one to go and see if she could find them, Andy and Patrick entered the bar again and made their way over to the counter, waving in their direction. By mutual agreement Ben, Teresa, and Sheila resolved to end their heavy conversation at this point and not too soon it appeared because a moment later Patrick came over to their table carrying several beer bottles.

* * *

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

His smile didn't fully reach his eyes, but he looked cheerful enough when he addressed them, "Sorry, we took so long. Quite the waiting line in front of the men's room as usual. You know how it is, right ladies?"

They all rolled their eyes. But they were too happy to see him smile to really care about the absurdity of his explanation. Relieved that any further crisis seemed to have been averted for the night they let themselves be infected by his returning light mood.

"Anyway," he continued, "I came over to tell you that Andy and I are about to order some food and I wanted to ask whether anyone over here was hungry as well? My treat by the way."

Suddenly they all realized just how starved they were. Emotional stress was in the habit of doing that to you and none of them had had any dinner previously either. So they all nodded.

"Is there anything in particular you can recommend, Patrick?" Lisbon asked.

"Oh, I'm sure you'd enjoy the pumpkin-soup. Ah yes. That's exactly what you are craving right now. Your mind's practically screaming it, Teresa," he claimed with complete conviction.

As usual the senior agent got slightly irritated when her consultant did that to her. But the fact remained that he was actually right - also just as usual. So she gave in to the inevitable and nodded her consent. Otherwise she would only punish herself if she ordered something she didn't really want just to spite him. She'd been there and done that often enough to have learnt that particular lesson the hard way. And besides in her book Jane deserved some leeway after the evening he'd had so far.

"You want the same," he said, looking in Sheila's direction. "And you, old friend, you are in dire need of a cheeseburger," he stated, addressing Ben. "I don't know why I even bothered to come over. I'm sure I could've gathered it all from your minds from right across the room." With an arrogant smirk he added, "Hell, probably even right from the john. Tststst... No mental barriers at all, the whole lot of you." He gave them his most shit-eating grin.

With that parting shot he turned on his heels and went back to the counter. With their previous conversation still all too fresh in their minds the three at the table were left with a bitter-sweet feeling after witnessing Patrick's formidable skills at observation up close again.

* * *

When the party was finally fully reunited at the table - sans Joe of course – the atmosphere was a bit awkward at first. For once it wasn't Andy who took the lead lightening the mood. It was actually Patrick who felt like he had to do something to save the day because in a way he believed himself to be the cause of the whole fiasco. Not one of the people present would've agreed with him had they known of his thoughts. Though no one would've been surprised, he had them either. Still, as there wasn't a psychic around (no such things as psychics after all), and the blond man wasn't about to share his assumptions they all just sat there in a bit of a stupor, not sure how to make the conversation flow again.

Hence they were all relieved,when Patrick suddenly spoke up, "Well folks, we really shouldn't let a dimwit like Joe spoil the fun. Let's rather have a blast, shall we?"

Everybody nodded and their smiles showed they assented but Jane could see that their hearts were not really in it. Thus he suddenly sat up straighter, cast everyone an encouraging glance, and began to recite with heartfelt pathos:

"Venemous thorns that are so sharp and keen

Sometime bear flowers fair and fresh of hue.

Poison ofttime is put in medecine,

And causeth health in man for to renew.

Fire that purgeth all thing that is unclean,

May heal and hurt: and if these be true,

I trust sometime my harm may be my health,

Since every woe is joined with some wealth."

Lisbon understood her friend's need to put them all at ease and decided to play along. "Let me guess: the Bard himself?"

"How very astute, agent Lisbon. How did you figure this one out?" Jane teased her.

It was a rather pathetic slight, certainly not up to his normal standard, but it achieved what he had sat out to do. Everyone was smiling again and the mood was obviously about to change for the better. Teresa saw her chance to take a more active part in the conversation. It would take the burden of entertainment from Jane's shoulders as well which she considered to be an extra bonus right now because she could sense his lingering unease. And if SHE could read him like that she knew just how vulnerable the man obviously still felt after the ugly scene from earlier. "Did you know that Patrick here once actually solved a case or rather cracked the perp by misquoting Shakespeare?"

"On purpose, of course. Let's be clear about that," Jane piped up.

Lisbon just grinned and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We all know your memory is a mighty fortress from which no fact ever escapes once committed."

"Wow, Teresa. Quoting ME now and correct to boot? I'm flattered. Have you finally built a fortress of your own?" he teased her.

"No, I'm just that smart, Patrick." Another roll of her eyes accompanied the statement. With a fond smile she added. "But seriously, it was a rather memorable occasion when you bestowed that particular line on me." She cast a look at the rest of the party, addressing them when she continued, "You know, he mortally insulted the new director of the CBI right afterwards only to accuse him of committing the murder we were investigating a while later just to spite him. The start of a wonderful friendship as you can imagine."

Teresa shook her head and rolled her eyes yet again. The others laughed and Andy shouted, "Way to go, man. Fuck authority, fuck the establishment! You should run for the labor union."

In answer Lisbon only groaned, "Please, don't give him any ideas."

At that moment Sam came over with their food. Everything looked absolutely mouth-watering. But when he sat down a bombastic plate of salad in front of Jane everybody's eyes nearly popped out. It was easily the most elaborate salad they'd ever seen and it contained so many delicious looking extras that the whole table stared at it green with envy.

Adding insult to injury Sam addressed the blond man, mumbling slightly pissed, "The missus asks if you would like some tea to go with the salad."

Patrick grinned happily. "You would really serve me tea, Sam?"

"Do I look like fucking Queen-mom to you, little Stooge? Of course I wouldn't serve you tea. This is a respectable pub not a tea party. Unfortunately, Harriet obviously disagrees. So SHE will have to be the one to desecrate this fine place." Sam mock-pouted.

"Well in that case I'd have to say: yes, of course and with pleasure. I'd love some tea. How could I resist an offer like that. Furthermore," he added, pointing at his beer bottle, "this is most definitely my last alcoholic beverage for today. I'm acting driver for the night. So a nice cuppa certainly wouldn't go amiss. Give my deep-felt gratitude to your lovely wife. I'm looking forward to expressing my gratefulness in person when Harriet comes by with my ambrosia."

"Keep back your sweet-talk until she's actually here, dude. Your silver-tongued bullshit doesn't do a thing for me. You know a rose by any other name – well anyway, bullshit is still bullshit and smells like it at the end of the day." With that said Sam turned around and stomped back to the bar.

Patrick chuckled. "That was by far the most elaborate, profound, and heart-felt Shakespeare interpretation I've ever had the pleasure of encountering."

* * *

Everybody laughed heartily at that before a deep silence arose because they all started to devour their meals. It was only interrupted on occasions when one of them couldn't stop from uttering an appreciative groan.

They were nearly finished with their food when two women came over to their table. The younger one of them was obviously a waitress. She was balancing two trays. The other one was in her sixties, rather tall, and she looked quite imposing. The chef's apron she wore identified her as Harriet, the pub owner's wife. She exuded something so irresistibly motherly when she smiled that they all felt a wave of warmth settle over them.

When Patrick noticed their approach he jumped up with a real smile on his face that reached right up to his eyes. It was the very one that always made Teresa's heart skip a beat when she saw it. In her opinion, that happened all too infrequently and it always made her smile as well. It was like an irresistible force.

He went over to the older woman extending his hand, intending to great her warmly. But she wouldn't have it that way. She embraced him in a tight hug as soon as he was close enough, kissing first his left, then his right cheek as well for good measure and exclaimed joyfully, "Patrick, it's so nice to see you again. How have you been?"

She loosened her hold on him a bit at that point and took a closer inspection of him. When she was satisfied that he didn't lack any important body parts she started to scold him lightly, "Sam told me you almost got into a fight earlier. Don't you dare do that again, son. Do you hear me?" She poked him in the chest for emphasis. "You know, Sam would have to ban you from the pub if you did something idiotic like that. We can't have that, can we? You are a better man than that." She looked strictly at him. Really, Paddy, fighting? That's beyond you. You know better than that, my dear, don't you?" The barrage was accompanied by an impressive finger-wagging that had the rest of the table in hysterics.

Jane looked quite sheepishly at the matron for a moment before an impish smile slipped on his lips, the one that made him look like a lost little boy who'd just pinched some cookies, which it turned out, Harriet couldn't resist at all.

Teresa sympathized with her completely. She couldn't withstand that particular smile either and this fact had led her into trouble several times. But the chef dared to do something Lisbon would have never had the courage to do: as one would do to a child she actually ruffled his hair fondly and caressed his cheek afterwards.

"Go back to your seat and sit down, you impossible man. I've prepared a pot of Oolong for you. It will go excellently with the lemon cheesecake I whipped up for that obscenely large friend of yours who's celebrating his birthday today if I'm not completely mistaken."

In reaction, Patrick put on a big show for everyone, catering to her. "Oh Harriet. You really know how to make a man happy. Marry me." But afterwards he looked her straight in the eyes before he gave her a very gentle hug and an affectionate peck on the cheek. He lingered a moment bent forward like this then whispered a soft 'Thank you' in her ear that was barely audible to the rest of the party.

Teresa was touched both by Harriet's obvious affection for her friend but also by Jane's reaction. He had obviously started to let people get close again and it filled her with hope. He had allowed Andy, Sheila, and Ben back into his life. He had practically moved in with her, and apparently he'd even allowed Sam and Harriet to fill a somewhat parental position. This was good. Very good, indeed. And she hoped with time it would make him realize that he was a good and lovable person. Why else would all these great people care so deeply about him? Maybe, just maybe, it would help him to heal, to understand that he was worthy of his own respect and regard as well.

But she didn't really dare to go there yet. All she knew was that she would do everything in her power to support him. In a moment of complete clarity and honesty with herself she realized that after tonight she could never again betray herself into thinking that she was anything other than hopelessly and irrevocably in love with the her consultant.

* * *

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

When they all sat enjoying the delicious birthday cake for dessert Sheila chimed in, "Teresa, you never got around to telling us about the case Patrick solved involving that Shakespeare misquote. Care to elaborate?"

And so Lisbon summed up the events surrounding the murder of the woman from the Shakespeare chat room, concluding with, "Cho is our best interrogator and we had pulled every trick we could think of. Nothing seemd to crack that bastard. He laughed right in our faces instead and threatened us with lawsuits to boot. And there comes Patrick Jane, drops one line from Macbeth including a well-placed mistake and the culprit sings like a bird. And that's how our smart-ass here closed the case even though he hadn't actually been working on it." She rolled her eyes. "He was insufferably smug for days afterwards. Sometimes it's really hard to put up with him, I'll have you know."

The others laughed and sported knowing looks. Jane just smirked and added fondly, "Yeah, and just to show you what I have to put up with: as the only reward for my extraordinary efforts she actually punched my shoulder." He pointed at Lisbon with a pout.

The others laughed again and encouraged Lisbon to recap some of their other more recent cases and she obliged happily. Spirits were high, the beer was flowing freely (or the tea in Jane's case), and everybody was listening with rapt attention. Her narration was interrupted on a regular basis by Patrick,who would add amusing details or smug remarks emphasizing his brilliant deductions.

In the process of telling about all those events Teresa couldn't avoid touching parts of Agent Darcy's involvement, mentioning LaRoche and Wainwright, or hinting at the underlying Red John case. It hadn't escaped the others' notice and Andy finally voiced what the rest had been thinking as well, "How the hell did you get involved with the FBI, Rick? And what's been going on with all those strange subterfuges?"

The blond man looked rather uncomfortable at the question. "Let's leave that for another time, okay? It's a long story and, alas, in actuality it's not quite finished yet. If I'm still standing when the last chapter's been written, I'll give you the whole tale. But until then you're better off not knowing too much. Please let us just leave it at that, alright?"

Everybody nodded albeit hesitantly, a feeling of unease settling over the whole party.

"Sorry for spoiling the mood again," Patrick said but without being apologetic in the least. Then he got up from his chair and added in a huff, "I'll go and get another round for you. In the meantime do yourselves a favor and get over it. I'll not be painting smiley-faced targets on your backs just to satisfy your morbid curiosity." He stomped off after that.

"Wow, that was down-right creepy," Andy uttered perturbed. "Rick really peeved? That's a new one. I guess this is truly serious, Teresa?"

The CBI agent nodded with a grave face. "Yes, indeed it is. You have no idea just how serious. And I have to agree with Jane: don't ask questions about it. I'm all for him sharing his burdens but this is really dangerous information. Let's just say that Red John has taken a very personal interest in Patrick. And it endangers everybody in his social environment. I guess you should have been made aware of that before you decided to get involved with him again. It's one of the reasons he's been keeping just about anyone at arm's length. But that killing bastard has so many connections..."

She sighed heavily. "If he wanted to hurt Patrick like that he'd probably manage to find people from his past anyway even if he kept his distance. And if you ask me it's playing much more into Red John's hands that Jane's been isolating himself like that. I've tried to tell him this. Many times. But try to convince that stubborn mule about it and see how successful you are gonna be."

Her tone softened when she continued, "I'd understand it if you might not want to see him again knowing how dangerous it could be. But I'm so very glad he's started to get close to people again. This self-enforced loneliness has nearly broken him."

Andy and his wife shared a long look until they seemed to have reached some kind of silent decision with a nod. Sheila was the one to vocalize it, "We could die in a car crash tomorrow or next week or we could grow old and gray. Who knows what life has in store for any of us? But one thing is for sure: we won't let some sick bastard dictate our lives. We won't ask anymore questions about Red John. But Rick is family and we won't abandon him just because there is a vague chance some deranged serial killer might take an interest in us."

"Well, that's good to hear, my dear," Jane whispered into her ear from right behind her, making her wince in shock because she hadn't realized he was back already. With an almost desperate look he added, "I'm not sure I'd be able to give you up again so soon."

Addressing everybody on the table he continued with determination, "But make no mistake: should I ever get any information indicating that you're in any tangible danger from him, I'll not hesitate to break my ties with you again on the spot. I could NEVER live with myself if anything happened to you as well because of me!"

He put the four fresh bottles of beer on the table a bit too forcefully causing a rather loud clatter, as if he wanted to close the subject with a final stroke. His face on the other hand was completely shut off now. It didn't give away even the slightest hint of emotion, signaling all too clearly that he'd reestablished full control of his faculties. "Enjoy your last drinks – Sam's about to close up shop for the night."

The last round was consumed in silence after that, everybody deep in their own thoughts. But it wasn't an all out awkward silence, more a companionable one. Fifteen minutes later Sam came over grunting that they had to leave now or he'd be only too happy to help them along with a good kick in the ass. Andy made to pull out his wallet intending to pay but Sam shook his head no. "Blondy here has already picked up the tab for you."

They got up smiling, wishing the pub owner a pleasant night, and cast inquiring looks at Patrick who only shrugged his shoulders. "Least I could do."

Andy patted his back. "It wasn't necessary at all, Rick, but thanks anyway. Though I'll rather consider it a birthday gift if you don't mind."

"Suit yourself," was Jane's deadpan reply.

* * *

Outside the pub they went their separate ways after a very warm good-bye. Sheila and Andy intended to grab a cab and decided to take Ben along to drop him off at the fairground as it was in the same direction while Patrick and Teresa made their way over to his car.

* * *

**The End – to be continued in "Making A Night Of It"**


End file.
